Posts Tagged ‘ dating ’

That skank Inanna never has trouble finding a date

November 26, 2011
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That skank Inanna never has trouble finding a date

Behold, Austin! For lo, I am the bringer of rain. You were parched in anticipation of my arrival, but hark, in my meager three weeks living within your boundaries have I brought the rain thrice. These gifts of fertility and life will fall like happy tears upon your barren soil so long as I am supplied with healthy consorts, black of hair and curled of mustache. Look upon the cleanliness of your automobiles, feel beneath your feet the springiness of soil, sleep by night to the soothing fall of raindrops against your window. I can bring unto you strong...

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22 First Dates: Officer Creepy

July 19, 2011
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Imagine him with an evil goatee and another 60 pounds

Two years and two states later, I’m still a little hesitant about posting this date.  Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t understand why anyone posts decade old profile photos. I’m a curvy girl. If a guy isn’t into that, I’d much rather he politely ignore my first contact email than do a disgusted double take when he first sees me. Gentlemen, it doesn’t matter how good you looked ten years ago when you had more hair and less belly. If your photo is so out of date a woman can’t recognize you, I promise there is no...

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22 First Dates: The Catholic

July 8, 2011
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Imagine this with more candles and imaginary friends

“It’s really weird meeting someone who hasn’t accepted Jesus Christ, but at least you’ve read Lord of the Rings.” Why do the pretty ones have to be crazy? I like a guy built like a sack of hangars. This sexy specimen was over six feet of lanky sinew, hard angles and flowing black hair. He looked like the contortionist warmup act at a burlesque show. “Before I came out to meet you, I caught up on The Guild and lit a couple candles with Ralph. You know, to calm my nerves and give me some insight into the female...

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First Contact: WWJD (with his cock)

July 7, 2011
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First Contact: WWJD (with his cock)

I grew up in the buckle of the bible belt. Oral Robers University offered pretty much all graduating high school students in Tulsa a full tuition scholarship so long as the women agreed to wear only modest blouses and skirts that went below the knee and all students agreed to a total ban on interracial dating. That last part is a little tricky. No matter what your apparent race, everyone in Oklahoma is part Indian. Hell, even people whose grandparents moved here from India jump in on it. Sure, they’ll tell you, gramps came from Mumbai, but Mom’s granddad...

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Secret Dating Spots for St. Louis Singles

July 5, 2011
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Together alone

Everyone knows dating is hard. People exchange emails and chats for weeks on sites like Match.com or OK Cupid without ever meeting because the women are terrified the men are secretly married serial killers. That’s okay, the men are also afraid the “women” they’re talking to are actually male serial killers. If they can get past the worry their bodies will be found in a dumpster, then there’s the fear that the photos were taken in the 1990’s or they’re not really a surfing astrophysicist who loves cats. The alternative to online dating is a bold and daring concept...

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3 Dating Events in 4 Days

February 15, 2011
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After some horrifying data crashes I let myself get pretty darn far behind on my 22 First Dates. I still haven’t written about The Homeless Man or The Purple Haired Pre-Op Transexual, much less some less colorful but more horrifying menfolk. In order to get myself back into the spirit of things, I went to 3 different dating events leading up to Valentine’s Day. First, a mystery mingler, where the organizers set us up on a single 30 minute blind date. Next came an annual flower exchange dinner where the singles group organizer gave us all an excuse to...

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First Contact: Best of Zombies

September 20, 2010
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Reading my blog could give you a rather biased view of the dating pool. To change it up a bit, I thought I’d share some absolutely excellent examples of First Contact emails. These guys can write, are interesting, and clearly paid attention to my profile. I was utterly delighted to hear from every single one of them. None of them resulted in actual dates due to details like conflicting ideological views, them being married, a twenty year age gap, or a complete lack of common interests outside Zombies. However, I want to make it clear to the world that...

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22 First Dates: Shh! (Sometimes things are awesome)

June 27, 2010
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I’d like to welcome all three of my new readers who found me after tuning into the Diva’s edition of the Den of Sin radio show.  Many thanks to Dusty for pimping the Princess Bride Festival as well as my dating life. I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret. Don’t tell. It’ll ruin my reputation. Sometimes my first dates go very well. Gosh. I almost feel like a traitor for admitting this. It really does happen. Heck, every now and then, a fantastic first date leads to a nifty second date. Last year, an unexpected...

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22 First Dates: The Body Builder

June 21, 2010
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It’s actually quite rare for me to be stood up, but it happened twice in as many weeks. One of the guys, who lives less than a mile away, actually asked if we could could Skype instead. On Sunday, I did what many of us do when we’re feeling lonely and perhaps a little desperte – I went slumming on Craigslist. I’ve really got to cut that out. Any time I go slumming there half a dozen people I know in real life wave hi. “Aww. Feeling lonely, Chris-Rachael?” they say. “Wait!” I protest. “These ads are supposed to...

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First Contact: Why I don’t chat

June 2, 2010
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As a self confessed grammar snob it’s nearly impossible for me to engage in chat on dating sites. There’s literally nothing I can say to a man whose first conversational volley is, “sup u pic is hot.” Oh, sure, I could try to diagram that sentence for him (is “u” a greeting, as in ‘What’s up with you’ or is it the subject, as in ‘I just masturbated to your photo’) but then I’d have to spend the rest of the night drinking martni’s while crying on the phone with a librarian friend. My liver can only take so...

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Fetid End of the Dating Pool

First Contact: Apples and Honey Edition

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It’s time for a special Rosh Hashanah edition of First Contact! Gosh. Who knew the season of atonement and repentance could be so darn...

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